Week Recap

It's a little after 1:30 AM on a Saturday morning, haven't written here in a few days so I thought I'd take a look at the list I made and see how many of those items I accomplished. (glances at list) Shit... Well, if intentions were dollar bills I could pay someone to do all that crap, right?

Don't get me wrong, I did a few things right, paid the bills so to speak and secured good grades in all my classes, but ... lately I have trouble motivating myself to do more than just what I have to. I really thought for a while it was some sort of depression, but then I realized I was just being lazy. The Army can do that to a guy: one the one hand I'm extremely efficient, I show up where I'm supposed to and I do everything I said I would--on the other, you can't coerce me into doing an ounce more than that sometimes. I think it's a product of having sold five years of my life, there's a part of me that saw wasting ANY of that time, even my off time, as a victory that brought me closer to the end of my enlistment, the more time I didn't have to feel pass in excruciating detail the best. It's hard to let go of a mentality like that, but I want to learn to love life in moments again.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about things like 'balance' and the 'middle path'. Excess is a cultural phenomenon here in the US, but that's no excuse for the way I've lived my life up til now. I keep thinking I can make compromises with obsession, and that's not true. On the flip side, a person shouldn't have to entirely give up something that they enjoy just to be productive. Of course I'm talking about gaming right now. Let's see how unplugging for the month of November feels. I hate extremes but there's something crucial on the horizon: Graduate school applications. I need three completed works for my portfolio and thus far I have only one. I've got more than enough pages, probably an excess of a few hundred, but nothing polished and nothing finished. It's time to finish some stuff. I'm going through my portfolio tonight, and I've got peace and quiet tomorrow to work. Let's not waste it!